Dreading Christmas

I used to dread Christmas. I still remember the aching and sometimes stabbing pain of enduring holidays. It started with Thanksgiving and remained until Valentines Day. I just have to get through the holidays. That was my internal monologue.

Christmas, especially, was difficult and only slammed in my face what I did Not have. Who wants to shop with no money? Who wants to dream when I had no hope that, someday, I might be blessed like others. People often said, Just imagine yourself that way. How could I imagine something I never experienced? 

As pitiful as all this sounds, I don’t regret any of it. Oddly, those are now treasured seasons. It created in me an appreciation for non-material delights such as snowflakes on pine branches and stars lighting a dark sky. I notice laughter and tears. I can spot someone across the room who seems to be in a similar place. Somehow, God did what He said He would do. I am empowered to comfort others with the comfort I have been comforted with by God. Pain does not have the final word.

 I don’t hurt like that anymore. You won’t typically see me grimace from pain when shopping, though I am still not a big shopper. You will find me smiling at flowers and leaves and gazing at the sunrise. No matter how ugly things get when life turns sour, beauty is always to be discovered. Always.

I love Christmas now. Beyond words... I love my husband and children, our Berna-Doodle puppy, and moments like this with early morning prayer, hot coffee, and colored lights on pine branches. Oh! And Snow! Don’t forget snow. ⛄️

I shared today in hopes that others who struggle this season might not feel quite so alone. I am praying that you will receive creative ideas for community and a sense of belonging and purpose. May gifts of ordinary moments light your sky. Most of all, may a holy wonder of the babe in a manger fill your heart with joy.