An awkward pursuit of friendship
I don’t really know what to say… but…well… how are you???
It’s not that I didn’t spend time with the Lord, because I did. It’s just that my time with him was, more often than not, in church services or prayer gatherings where the goal of our group was to pray for the upcoming service. Don’t get me wrong. I loved God, yet something was missing… It was a close friendship with the Lord. He was inviting me to know Him through private times in ways I could not discover him when primarily being together in groups. He wanted more than my doing, even though my efforts were making a difference. He wanted me.
I was nineteen or twenty years old, which feels like both yesterday and forever ago! Anyway, I kept sensing a drawing that He wanted to be my closest friend. I was fine with that idea but did not know where to start. How was I, practically, supposed to be best friends with someone I could not see and could not hear in two-way conversation? Nonetheless, I took the plunge. Don’t get too excited, though, for it was actually monotonous for a while.
I decided I would do what real friends do. We would go to the park together. Off I walked to meet him there. I found a cozy tree with branches that hung low like a canopy. I sat down and awkwardly began our conversation with something like, Hi, Lord. I’m here to be friends with you because friends go to the park together. I don’t really know what to say… but… well… how are you??????? I then sat patiently and not so patiently. I was young, simple, and brave! Even now, I remember the embarrassment in my gut about the thought of what it would be like to be known by God. I was especially embarrassed that I had no clue how to pursue a friendship with God… an unpretended… authentic friendship… awkward and all. I’d like to say I heard God speak back. Truth is, nothing of the sort happened. He did, however, stay present with me through the awareness that he wanted to be my friend. I did not see him that day, but I know he saw me and was somehow pleased with my feeble attempts.
After a short time that seemed like hours, I told him I was going home and would meet him at the park the next day. I did so, and it was pretty much the same scenario. Most of our conversation was me telling the Lord how awkward I felt. Guess what? He listened. How do I know? I just do… through the awareness of his desire to know me and for me to know him.
Day after day, I went to the park and gradually became more comfortable. I talked with the Lord as a friend talks with a friend. Our conversations began to reflect the ease we had developed in being together. It was simple, spontaneous, and unforced honesty. Our times left me with a deep settled calmness. I had been with someone who truly accepted me in both beauty and flaws.
In terms of earthly time, our conversations at the park lasted maybe twenty minutes each. In terms of eternity, I doubt it can be measured. Our times were not razzle dazzel. We just talked like friends talk. I shared let downs and hopes, fears and faith. He drew my attention to birds singing in the branches, four-leaf clovers, and the softness of green grass beneath my feet. I let go of worries and leaned against that big ol’ tree and simply sat… with my friend.
I still go to church on Sundays and gather with others to pray. I also make it a priority to invest private time with Him, for His friendship has made all the difference.
Dear Reader, what if you coming upon this post might be the Lord’s invitation to you to enter into a closer friendship with Him? What if….
“And this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.”
“You are My friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not understand what his master is doing. But I have called you friends, because everything I have learned from My Father I have made known to you. You did not choose Me, but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will remain—so that whatever you ask the Father in My name, He will give you. This is My command to you: Love one another.”